LIfe-A Baptism of Change

It's taken a few days....but I did it!  I beat the dastardly computer at it's own game (sound of evil laughing and rubbing together of crusty, bony hands) and lived to tell about it, al la Rod Sterling of Twilight Zone.
-although oddly enough, Sofia of the Golden Girls began her stories the same way...go figure.
    ...Picture if you will....
    A mixed-weather morning in a San Francisco neighborhood famous for parrots and poets. Our hero is prepared for a morning of internet, post-production and bill paying. She sits confidently before her fairly new Toshiba Qosmio PC and turns it on. Everything looks right, until she tries to go on the internet...then NOTHING.  She entered the Virus Zone.

   To make a long story short, and to quote the movie Poltergeist (a cheap shot and why not?) I'm back!
Battered, bruised and covered in computer goo, but alive.
    ....until next time when..... oh wait, that's The Outer Limits. Nuff said!

So, what does any of this have to do with Fifty Five being the New anything?  Pleanty!  And it 's all about life and all about living and pushing on through.
Easy to say....real "Rebeca-Of-Sunny-Brook-Farm"-ish...maybe too much so for some stomachs, and that's okay too. I don't always feel this way either, so please don't go painting me with a gingham dress, pig tails and rose colored glasses quite yet.  I been in the deep stuff, too.  Still am.

You know how it is...sometimes so deep, ya can't even breathe without breathing in some of it--right into your soul...that kinda deep. It gets putrid and old and scary and boring all at once, and there doesn't seem to be any thing else to that damned tunnel but more tunnel.
Talk about the Twilight Zone.
Right now, I could allow myself the luxury of getting lost in it all...been doing that for years. And you know what?  On the verge of turning fifty-five I've finally figured out something.  It doesn't work, it never has and in all likelihood it never will.

Well, Golly.  So what's next?
It's all about choices. I don't want to get lost in confusion and stagnation anymore...so rather than looking at the entire tunnel, maybe I should just lean against the walls and take it all in...let my eyes adjust to what little ambient light there may be, lest I miss a step and end up at the bottom of a mine shaft.

Once that happens, I'll take up my trusty walking stick and plod along...carefully tapping the ground ahead and around me for obstacles and other dangers.  If there are tracks, I'll stoop to feel them, remembering how sometimes I could feel the vibrations of the train wheels on them in the distance.  

If there's a light at the end of the tunnel, it might be said train and if it is, I'll hop on board and ride it through to my next destination, which has to be better than sitting alone in the unknown darkness...isolated and with limited options. Metaphorically speaking, that is.

I'm tired of being the one overwhelmed by life, and looking at everything all at once all the time has been doing that to me.  I'm so full of "what if" there's no room for "why not?" anymore! Oy!
I don't want to be the techie, the legal eagle, the go-to-it-girl full time, all the time anymore. I want to make my own dreams come all the way true, without the proviso that they are attached to anyone elses', and would deeply appreciate any help offered.
Bloody Hell, that felt good.

So for today, the day before my B-Day, Fifty Five is the New Life-A Baptism of Change. As long as there is change there is life...as long as there is change, there is hope....and hope is the brightest light ever brought to the deepest, darkest pit.  Here's to keeping it lit.