Not-So-New Work

Red Sunset Tile Design by rcw

Just a quick entry today....

This piece of artwork, one of many generated while Jack was away in 2008, was an experiment using CorelDraw X4.

I've been using CorelDraw since version 1, way back in the early '90s and have yet to find anything that does all this program seems to do.

Not meaning to sound like a commercial, but when something is good I like to spread the news.

Aside from that, life goes on....we're trying to make music in between equipment break downs. 

If patience is a virtue, we're becoming very virtuous in our old age.

 Anyway, for today, Fifty Five Is The New Not-So-New Work, sometimes the oldies are the goodies.

Seconds Out

"Goddess Takes A Joy Ride" by rcw (Fractal) 

Fifty Five Is The New Seconds Out today...anyone who is a fan of the group Genesis may recognize the title as the live album from the '70s.  That's kind of how it feels today...so I cranked up the turntable and put on some tunes.

Been learning to transfer my vinyl records to CD or DVD so they can be enjoyed anywhere; but if truth be known I am and will always remain a vinyl head.  There's just something about each ping, pop and skip...even being able to remember a particular scratch for the moment it happened...sad at the time but bittersweet in retrospect.  CDs can't offer that.

Oh, they do get scratched and skip horribly...but not in the same way.  And remember how you used to put either a dime, penny or nickle on the old needle head to weigh it down and "play through" the skips?  Those were the really, really old days.  I wouldn't do that now, but some of the really old records in my collection-mainly the 45s-have evidence of that sort of thing.

Of course, there's the bit about having to get up and "flip sides," on vinyl...some folks have those automatic or "changer" turntables.  They were really popular back in the '60s and '70s, but by the late '70s that sort of thing seemed to be falling out of favor and was replaced with components, quad systems and high tech turntables, specialized stylists and all sorts of gizmos.

I know, because this vinyl collection has followed me through all these changes. There are record albums here from when I was a mere pup; some 45s too.  And of course there are some things from before my birth-the '78s...only a few of them left unfortunately, a couple of them are really old Edison's-brittle as slate!

When Diane and I first moved to California, a dear friend kept the albums for me...then there weren't quite so many.  Once we were fairly settled, the dear friend started sending them to us.  Little by little the collection grew...from a trifiling 200 to a considerably larger number...each one a memory as well as a bit of music.
Looking back, it's unbelievable that the collection hadn't gotten lost through all the years and changes.

When the Down With Vinyl campaign was going on, I dug in my heels and refused to trash my stash. Some people called me crazy, and they were right....crazy smart.  I knew vinyl would make a comeback because the most important thing about music isn't just the sound, it's the SOUND. There is quite a difference between analog and digital.  If you're used to digital only, it may take some getting used to...and  the whole listening experience is a bit more hands-on, but I think its' worth it. 

Anyway, looking how life twisted and turned, one would have thought the vinyl be the first thing to go when the going got rough, but somehow they were just too important to me...little time capsules set to music.

When Jack and I lived in the school bus, Diane took charge of the collection. By then she was housed and spoused and got the chance to enjoy them like the old days when we were roomies. Once we were "inside" again, the records came back to me; it was great getting reaquainted wiith so many old friends!

Diane is gone now; Ovarian Cancer took her after a 13 year battle and I miss her horribly. We used to love listening to music while we worked on our various projects, or did yoga, or cooked. From our Tenderloin apartment that kept getting broken into week after week after week to the Edwardian flat I finally landed in about five years ago, music was always part of what Diane and I did together.

She is/was the greatest friend anyone could ever have...and although her body is no longer walking around, I firmly believe she is here with me sometimes.  Like right now, with Seconds Out on the record player, just like the old days.

So for now, Fifty Five Is The New Seconds Out...in honor of Diane, my friend and guardian angel.

Family

Family is important....although some might not think it to look at me, I'm a real old fashioned kind of gal when it comes to holidays and celebrations.  Nothing I like better than a home full of laughter, people glad to see one another sharing favorite memories and making new ones!

I've been 3,500 or so miles-give or take a few-from the majority of that for a long time....oh, there have been the occasional visits but nothing really close enough for long enough to qualify as a "familial experience."  Granted, that's been my own choice; I'm the one who packed up everything back in March 1980 and made the life change. And sometimes I do wonder how things could have been if I'd decided to stay in the life I had back east.

Maybe watching "It's A Wonderful Life" is bringing some of this stuff to the surface. You know, what if I'd been there when my brother Bob was in his crisis....would he have still committed suicide?  Would I have had any more children?  Would I have still been married even....?  Hmmm.....so much water under the bridge, all 30 years of it.  Do I regret my choices?

In truth....occasionally.  I miss being near my family, miss being able to see my birthson, even miss the old neighborhood which, upon my last visit, has gone through a lot of changes; even the railroad tracks are gone.
I'd have loved to watch nieces, nephews and cousins grow up and would have loved to have gotten closer to my father before his death.

But things are as they are. Sure, we all have parts of our lives that we'd do different if we could do them over, but there's no reason to get all gloomy about it! Living with some regrets is human, living in regret is self destructive.

My decisions at the time were based on what facts I had on hand. Facts based on what I knew about me and how I was operating in my (then) present surroundings. At that time I was flat out C-R-A-Z-Y.  In truth, I had to leave in order to find out who I was.  I firmly believe that staying would have been my demise.  I had be somewhere to work through my mental illness without destroying the people around me.

So with that as impetus for my choices, I didn't do too bad. I survived.

Life has been more difficult, that's for sure.  I live in poverty.   My brothers and sister have owned homes, have retirement plans, do all the "normal" things that most folks do in that life.  I don't think they fight back tears in the grocery store or wonder how they're going to get their teeth fixed.  But then again, they don't have the freedom I have to wake up in the middle of the night and record a track, or give an entire day over to creativity, just because.  So there is a trade-off.

For the most part, I am happy...wishing there was less to worry about financially and hoping to find a way to get new teeth, because it doesn't make sense to pull the old ones 'til I have something waiting in the wings to replace them, but otherwise fairly content with things so far.

I needed to grow up, needed to get past the insanity, the excessive drinking and get on with the business of living...none of that could have happened in my hometown. Funny how things happen though. 

After years of family-less holidays we have Jack's people on the West Coast to compliment my people on the East....and there seems to be a balance in my life again. Jack's pretty happy to be in touch with his family, too. It's been kind of a secret prayer of mine that he get back together with them....so don't tell me miracles don't happen!

So for now, Fifty Five Is The New Family; relatives and friends being together and sharing the love.

View

Ever find yourself walking around with the distinct feeling that your head was securely up your hind end, and the only thing keeping you from running into telephone poles was sheer dumb luck?  That's me today, in triplicate.

Not like the day was awful; to the contrary!  Most folks were going about their business with smiles on their faces....birds were tweeting....flowers blooming, and me.....with a case of cranial rumpitus! Can't seem to say or do anything right, everything-even my hair growing seems to cause friction. Gee whiz!

Today should be a write-off...there should be a refund of the hours spent in it!
But-I am not going to look at today like that.  No.  These hard days are there for a reason...what doesn't kill us makes us strong....all those words of wisdom.

So for tonight Fifty Five Is The New View-no longer with my head up my ass, at least able to see where I'm going.

The New Student

Time Portal   by rcw

Being fifty five doesn't mean I've stopped learning; quite the opposite! These days we're learning quite a lot about so many things....enough to make the head spin!

Been learning a lot about posting our music and videos online....and boy! Is there a lot to learn!  In many ways it's much better now than it was when the urge to "get it out there" first took hold.  That was about a million years ago, when I was still a wee thing. 



My family was a talented lot; dad tickled the ivories, all us kids (five of
us)made some kind of noise on some kind of instrument and we sang five part harmony with ease...mom claimed to be the only



holdout. But she sang along, so we figured she counted, too.

I'd imagine these days if one of those camping families heard us sing like we did back in the day, somebody would have had us up on YouTube and the calls would have started coming. No lie, some people used to schedule their camping around the time when our family was going to be there...at least that's what we were told. 

Anyway, these days it's great to be able to self-publish and self-promote. There's a lot more competition, that's for sure!
But  I thnk in the long run the "cream rises" as they say.

We may not be "cream" yet, but at least we're out there trying, and learning, too.  They say learning keeps you young, and if that's the case we're aging backwards considering how much cramming we're doing.

Otherwise, like everyone else we're keeping a careful eye on purse strings and politicians...learning how to Rock On through it all. So for today, actually for every day, Fifty Five Is The New Student-as long as we keep learning, we keep living!

P.S. Some people have asked why I don't do the number comparisons, like 55 is the new 20 and all that...when it feels right to do so, I do it...started out that way.  Who knows how the muse will inspire.
And thanks for the email.  Feel free to comment on the Blog!  Oh! the picture is one of my computer graphics creations...a fractal.  Most specifically it's called Blue and Red Fractal or Time Portal.

If you're interested in any of my other creations, let me know.

Art Of Being Patient

 Space Seed  by rcw

(talk about patience, this one took a few years and four graphics programs to complete!)

Fifty Five is the new what?  What are you today?  The concept here is supposed to be a youthful comparison but it doesn't always work out that way.  Like right now.  Oddly enough, Fifty Five feels a lot more like 155 today...some reasons are easy to figure, others are not.

Suffice to say I'm going through one of those "did I waste my life?' questioning moments, on the heels of a few personal glitches...just the perfect frame of mind to bring on the self-doubts, that old black magic called depression.

But rather than give into it, I'll face it for what it is and move on.
Did I waste my life?  No.  I didn't get a career with a lot of money....but I did live a life with a lot of experiences...most important though, I think I helped some people.  So that's not it.

I know!
I'm anxious, wanting the music, writing and artwork to take off! Silly girl!  Everything happens in its own time...I just gotta keep at it, applying energy, work and belief....then let it be to happen as it will.
Isn't it funny, how just a little analysis brings out the answers?  I feel a lot better now.
It is late, so I'll keep this entry short, but still it is an important observation.

For today, Fifty Five Is The New Art of being Patient.  I've lived this long, what's a few more minutes?